Godependent 'cause people suck

There are really sooo many different kinds of people in this world...and I'm happy Jesus calls us to love all and not be BFF with all...   because people can just really suck sometimes. And I'm guilty but...the lady who cut me off the other day because she was texting with her babies in the back seat, makes her suck more.  

People that aren't the greatest in our eyeballs:

Backstabbers, liars, users, people that claim to care but don't, 

fakes, people that take you for granted...

How do I see Christ in this at all?     I've been praying a lot about this, about seeing Him through all this wrong that's constantly being done. And as I finally see it in writing, the answer's so obvious. I guess I forgot that at one point or another we continually wrong Jesus. A king that stepped down from heaven, took this awful human form and lived, loved, taught us just so we could turn around and crucify him.  Talk about backstabbing,lyingfakesthatclaimtocarebutdontandtakeyouforgranted... 

So in reality, I'm in the same place at the person who burned me...We feel the weight of it when someone wrongs us...but it makes me think about how big our God really is. He handles the weight of the entire world, I can't even deal with 1 person that sucks. And THAT fact is more exciting than the rumor you heard about that one person last week ;)... 

And He doesn't just handle us, He loves, cares, provides, carries us...

with open arms and a graceful heart. 

Psalm 68:19
Praise be to the Lord, to God our Savior, who daily bears our burdens

But then it makes me think this too...if someone can weigh us down and control our happy/sad/upset-ness more than the Lover of our soul can...how Godependent are we? Really? Another person really shouldn't hold our emotions because chances are that person  will suck at some point... When we're wronged, believers in Christ that have the Holy Spirit alive in them have the ability to see this invisible, spiritual world that rises above the visible, physical world. We have the chance to see in the Bible and through miracles and God's divine plans that we live for something so much bigger than a fight or a wrong doing. With His spirit in us, we see those that are broken and in NEED of a Savior.    

 I think back to past pains from people and sadly enough...most come from a member of the body of Christ. No wonder one of the leading causes of atheism are dead spirit christians. 

But again..thank God for God. If His beauty wasn't so evident in this world and His healing love wasn't constantly in pursuit...I can't say that I know where I'd be right now. 

A friend said this.."Maddie, if Jesus wasn't truly real, I think I'd be a tease"  lol

My prayer is to keep my eyes on this invisible, spiritual world that holds a hope for me like nothing else can give...on a God that can restore & revive my heart daily. To rise above and keep my eyes on the never ending path where my Lover waits at the end for me with open arms.  Picture that!!! Man, how cool is that !?

"There will be a day with no more tears

No more pain, and no more fears
There will be a day when the burdens of this place
Will be no more, we'll see Jesus face to face
But until that day, we'll hold on to You always"

Jeremy Camp

 God is SO good!
My prayer is for a heart like Christ's...to have the grace and peace that He gives.
To forgive me for wronging Him. And to forgive like He forgives. 
And most of all..to be so Godependent I don't even know what to do with myself!!

People suck...but my Beloved doesn't
:) 

mountain of Whoville

God, my desire is for your words to be spoken, for this blog to be yours and my frustrations to go away. I want to write. I want to write. I want to write. Use my hands. 

Faith: (n) Complete trust or confidence in someone or something


God is so faithful. And if we don't believe that, then we're missing a huge piece of who God is. It's not just believing either..it's knowing, feeling, genuinely trusting that He's faithful. It's reading in Scripture of all the ways He provided and loved and pursued. 

What I don't understand, is how we read about His faithfulness and we experience His faithfulness, yet we forget and choose our own way. A really awesome friend of mine, Christen, drove us up to Jacksonville a few weeks ago. We went to this amazing, Spirit-filled church called Celebration. The pastor spoke about how we don't live on the mountain top, but we temporarily go into the valley to bring people up. This is God being SO faithful to my prayers. I've been kinda concerned with my relationship with Jesus being on this roller coaster. It's up, it's down, it's up..I would get frustrated at myself for not being on this constant high. 

But in 1 Kings, Elijah sees God in so many ways, has so many mountain top experiences: he gets food from the raven, his family's provided for, he brings a dead boy to life, he wins a "God face-off" with King Ahab. All these things were so evidently God. But after all of this, Elijah's life is threatened once and he runs away from the direction God has him. 

So I'm asking God what he wants written in this blog, and He..again..is faithful. I've been Elijah this month. I've been experiencing AMAZING mountain tops and yet, I chose me when it came to making a big decision this past week. 

MT (mountain top) #1: That sermon 
MT#2: Thinking. Loving. Doing. by John Piper. Our struggles start as a small thought in our mind. We see what we want to see. (scientifically proven)
MT#3: Passion planning...where pieces are missing, new pieces are slowly and faithfully being put into place. People are dropping and new people are taking their place. 
  Dad & I decide to put people into a hotel just to find out the next day Matt's dad has Hilton points...
MT#4: my FAVORITE...I met my friend Katie for Starbucks last week and I start to tell her how I've been praying for an opportunity to plan another high school girls night of struggles for a different church. Right as this is happening, a wonderful woman of Bayside church comes walking up and starts to talk to me about how she's been asked to work on an event to focus on their high school girls' struggles and weaknesses. Literally, nothing like this can be called a coincidence. 
MT#5: Boy keeps coming to church
MT#6: Morgan Henning & I are driving home from rehearsal, and it's quite in the car...out of nowhere, we break into laughter. The Spirit was so overwhelming and so alive in that car ride home, the joy was too much to hold in. 
MT#7: God is continually giving me new ideas & more speakers for this Bayside girls night
MT#8: Bayside's Monday night group... "You can tell a lot about your spiritual hunger by the sins you commit" 
MT#9: He used my past struggle to help out a broken heart tonight
MT#10: God took over my words, heart and thoughts for my last speech in class
MT#11: I've been praying for an accountability partner and God brings me Lindsey Gow, my twin


The list could go on. And I can't finish a single one of those without throwing a smile in the midst of them. God is so faithful and so amazing. 

Then why are we so quick to let our flesh desires take over. God has been working a LOT on me with a struggle of mine. The other day I was battling in my mind about it and I just became still and prayed. I promise, it was like a switch. POWER of prayer and the realness of God's faithfulness. Kari Jobe sings this...

"Love came down and rescued me 
Love came down and set me free 
I am Yours, Lord I'm forever Yours 
Mountains high or valley low 
I sing out and remind my soul 
I am Yours , I am forever Yours "

We will continually have these mountain top experiences. But when we're sent into the valley, we are to remain faithful because He has us there for a reason. "Don't let your fire burn out, somewhere somebody needs a reason to believe. That's how the lost get found" (Britt Nicole)    Whatever your valley is, glorify the name of Christ and you will see Him in that low time. 

In that valley, in that time of darkness... 

                    we are to REMEMBER what God did on the mountain top. 

"same God in the good times as in the valley times"

                           we are to WAIT on God and move when He gives us the go;

"when we don't wait, we run ahead of God, therefore we're out of the will of God"

                                      we are to LISTEN for God with no expectations

"Choose to be in a relationship with the only one who can get you out of the valley"

God is good, 

prayer is powerful

& there's no other Love like this.

Mark 16:15

:)

thank God for God

God is bigger than great and better than incredible, stronger than indescribable and way cooler than unimaginable. I.LOVE.HIM.

This past Sunday, it was put on my heart to challenge my  middle school girls.. if they weren't feeling the love of Christ, that they ask Him to show them He loves them. Or if they weren't confident He was there, ask Him to show up. God used me to challenge them to pray for a heart of Christ, eyes of the Lord and a mind of God. Needless to say, the things God lays on our hearts aren't just for teaching, but for learning and growing our own spirits. 

It's 2:18...and I'm wide awake. The thing about just laying here is that my mind runs a million miles an hour. But there's some nights that the flesh wins and I get stuck in this rut of thinking of the past, how I should've changed something, what mistakes I should've seen coming... But tonight is different. I've been praying to have a mind like Christ's. Just as I was about to jump back into my rut, I promise you there was this tug on my heart. I started playing with my phone...hit the Bible app...and a reminder for one of my old study plans pops up, "Battlefield of the Mind". 

This is when the chills kick in because this is what it says

"The Mind of Christ  (1 Corinthians 2:16)

Paul tells us, as believers in Jesus, the Son of God, we are given the mind of Christ. That is, we can think spiritual thoughts because Christ is alive within us. We no longer think the way we once did. We begin to think as He did. 

When we have the Holy Spirit living and active within us, the mind of Christ is action. The mind of Christ is given to us to direct us in the right way. If we have His mind, we will think positive thoughts. We will think about how blessed we are--how good God has been to us. 

Jesus was positive, in spite of being lied about, lonely, misunderstood, and a multitude of other negative things. He was deserted by His disciples when He needed them most, yet He remained positive--always able to offer an uplifting, encouraging word. Just being in His presence would suggest that all fear, negative thoughts, and discouraging hopelessness would evaporate into thin air.

The mind of Christ in us is positive. So when we fall for the opportunity to be negative about something, we should instantly discern that we are not operating with the mind of Christ. God wants us to be lifted up. It's the enemy of our soul who wants us pressed down--depressed. We have many opportunities to think negative thoughts, but that's not the mind of Christ at work in us. We don't have to accept those thoughts. They are not ours!"



God knows our needs, He knows our wants. God has the power to fulfill both. His timing is impeccable, better than our own.     This is overwhelming because my thoughts usually don't find peace when I'm laying here thinking about nothing. But God has healed that in this very moment. :)  I'm so thankful for Him, 

He's answering my prayers to be all Spirit-led. 
He's showing me what it is to have the mind of Christ,
the eyes of Christ and the heart of Christ. 
And it all started with this Divine Romance,

thank God for God
:)

Snake Bite

I feel like I haven't sat and written with God in forever. My loss for written words has been a smaller portion of a bigger picture. Coming home from all the work the Spirit inside of me was doing this summer, I was so ready to stand strong against complacency and continue to grow stronger and stronger spiritually. I was striving to be Spirit led, instead of led by the flesh. 

If one is genuinely filled with the Spirit, it's never difficult to 

stay head over heels for God. But, it only 

takes one flesh-led move to hinder that focus. 

Find strength in Gods faithfulness and comfort in His grace.

The thing about the world is that we're in it...constantly. There's no escaping it. No doubt we should constantly be surrounding ourselves with spirits that are alive, words from the Word that's full of power & that's sharper than any double edge sword. Our spiritual feeding is more important than our physical food. So why can I get to this place of complacency so easily? This place where I feel I don't need to be in constant step with God? 



I went on a date with this Ultimate Lover of mine. Picnic blanket, the Word, the park...perfection. and I fell asleep. I fell..asleep. Because for some reason I think that my life and what I have to do is more important than what God has to teach me. So I keep myself constantly busy and I miss out on my divine plans & appointments. My devotion to God is shown by my priorities. And by this...I'm embarrassed.  In losing the Spirit of fulfillment, I've really been starting to see myself go through the motions...

Go to small group
Teach small group
Go to church

check, check, check. 

I've been going where I see members of the body of Christ in need to try to stay close to my Love, but...losing the whole point. The point of going to serve for the purpose of bringing light to dark situations. The point of saying I'm coming to help in Jesus' name. Because working for the Lord and serving in the name of the Lord is when eyes are directed to Him and can see Him really move. THIS is when a task is completed, when God is BEING SEEN. This is when fulfillment takes place and the idea of being used by God is real and so strengthening. 

The foundation of complacency is selfishness. It's flesh winning over the Spirit, it's the body taking over the soul. If we aren't striving to be Jesus to EVERY person we're in contact with, we're leading by our flesh. C.S. Lewis says this "You don't have a soul. You are a soul, you have a body."      I'm starting to learn how sensitive the Spirit inside of us truly is. If we're not feeding the Holy Spirit, then our steps start to slowly redirect.. not even seen until the realization that we need the Lord again. The tiniest bit of the world can take a beating on this Spirit if we're not constantly juicin' up. 

2 God stories to share..out of many..
       ONE!  :)
I don't religiously check my verse of the day app, but was led to it a few days ago. God spoke right to me..so I wrote to Him:
"God, When I'm frustrated and you don't seem real to me..when the world's darkness seems to suffocate your light in me..when it makes more sense to live for me than an invisible perfection in the sky...you show me you in a lot of ways. The verse of today, God,
     'Hebrews 10:35-so do not throw away this confident trust in the Lord. Remember the     great reward it brings! Patient endurance is what you need now to carry out God's will."

That makes me smile HUGE just thinking about how He pursues. When the world comes at you strong and it seems too much to take on, 
   Higher than the mountains that I face
   Stronger than the power of the grave
   Constant through the trial and the change
   One thing remains

    TWO! :)
I feel like God put this blog on my heart to keep me accountable because I'm constantly looking for things to learn, even if I can't feel the fulfillment He brings. I flipped open my notes from this summer's past lessons and landed right in the middle of what this spirit needed to be reminded of.    Amos 5 is the pronouncement of God's judgement on Israel for its lifestyles of complacency. These Israelites were self-righteous people that were so sure that God was going to save them on the day of the Lord because of their exceptional works. When in reality, Amos says, (amos 5:18) "It will be as though a man fled from a lion only to meet a bear, as though he entered his house...only to have a snake bite him."

So these complacent people expected God to come save them. However, their lifestyles weren't those of the early Christians, but lifestyles these believers had ordained Godly. How often do we do this...how often do we live according to what 'seems' Godly without even reading the Word to see what is and what's not. Even if we're not complacent, we tend to allow it. Which brings about my favorite verse in Amos..verse 24 "Let justice roll on like a river, righteousness like a never-failing stream." The Spirit of God would be concerned for the world, He wouldn't stand by and watch injustice happen. Injustice...we'll save for another blog. But if we're truly taken over by God's spirit, this faith, this love, this hope, can't be kept quiet. We serve a just God and we are not here to pick and choose who hears about it...who's saved by it...and who's brought justice by it. 
"Therefore, dear friends, since you have been forewarned,
be on your guard so that you may not be carried away by the error of the lawless &
fall from your secure position. 
Grow in grace and knowledge of our Lord." 2 Peter 3:17-18




These past few weeks have been a weakening into complacency. But in writing, God is faithful. 2 Corinthians 12:9 "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." And in order to stay out of this complacent, unfulfilling, self-rightous life, I pray to be pushed out of my comfort zone. When we are pushed out of our comfort zones, we cling to what we know..to what's comforting to us. This is God. I need to need Him. Without Him, we are nothing. 

So, Lord, let me be something for you. Let me change the world...change lives...in your name!

:) 

hey Good Lookin'

Can I just start off by saying that it's 4:56 on Tuesday morning and I have yet to fall asleep. I think I made my Starbucks run a little too late...

I started to Instagram stalk a little bit. There are so many good looking people on Instagram, it's crazy. But then I started thinking, it's really not that hard to be the world's definition of hot, pretty, whatever. Anybody can obtain an outside beauty with some fake tan, a hair straightener and a gym membership. (goes for guys too) Literally...anybody.  

But what's behind these pictures? 

The inner beauty of a hot bod filled with the Spirit or 

just a good lookin' full of emptiness, lost & brokenness.  

I'm one to fully believe that outer beauty is nothing without an inner beauty to support, strengthen & grow that outer beauty. Living in peace, kindness & friendliness, popularity... is all great, but when we're transformed inwardly by the Spirit..that's when our ways and our looks really start to change lives. Who am I to hold back from this transformation? From this makeover?    If you were offered a makeover everyday before starting your day, admit you'd take it. I soooo would. We do almost ANYTHING to make ourselves look so good every time we go out... but how much work do I put into letting the Spirit inside of me make a statement? 
Anybody could walk into a room and turn heads, 
but the Godly desire to walk into a room and change lives.

So why pay so much attention to looks. The way I look won't change the world. But the Spirit being actively alive & glowing is what really dolls us up. 

"Your beauty should not come from outward adornment,...
rather it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle
and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight." 1 Peter 3:3-4

In this divine romance with my Ultimate Lover, I'm seeing that He genuinely loves me for the way He made me. God has grown me according to His Spirit. When He uses this flesh in other people's lives, I get chills & this overwhelmed feeling in my heart...as if I was finalizing some awesome plan for my wedding day. In this divine romance, my God is teaching me patience. Patience in love, patience in purity.

Patience in love due to the fact that all my best friends are in relationships, engaged or married. This patience thing He's been teaching me has shown me that HE is the only one that can complete my heart before joining it next to someone else's. That it's in my Lover's timing that this kindred Spirit will find mine and be my other shining light bulb. All in my Lord's hands. I pray for my future husband. For opportunities on this mission field called world, for His Spirit to be strengthened and whole, and for his heart to be completed by the love of the Father. One day I'll meet that man, until then...my Ultimate Love doesn't have to fight for first place ;)

It's officially 5:30, my alarm goes off in 3 hours, and I just dumped my filled cup of water all over me & my bed...
Talk about outer beauty. 

coincidences my TUSH

How can this be His story if He is the one constantly loving, pursuing and fulfilling me? God molded me and made me and put me in this world to be a light for Him, to show Him off and make Him famous. I just can't fathom how living for a god can make me so complete, make me who I'm supposed to be...a whole Maddie Miller.

I think it's probably, definitely, most likely because He's not just a god. Jesus Christ is the only god who is still alive. The only god that can live inside of us. The only god that reaches out to us. I've taken a back seat on this whole worldly god thing, where people pick and choose different aspects of different gods and put them together to make god. And in taking this backseat, I've had the opportunity of learning a lot, a lot, a lot, behind the scenes of it all. I've learned that it makes people happy and it promotes peace and love and kindness. Which, I mean great! The world could use some sunshine.     
But when did this world become completely about us? From the moment we entered this world, we were shown what a servants heart looks like. So where is that gap in the road? When did we make it about serving ourselves? & If it's not Holy-Spirit-alive-in-us kind of driven, then what kind of driven is it? Promoting happiness and love is great but going to the core of this worldly god thing is the desire to please ourselves...how can I make myself feel better without offending anyone?....

Weird, I just glanced over and my Bible was open to this:
"Then Jesus said, 'Beware! Guard against every kind of greed. Life is not measured by how much you own." Luke 12:15

So no matter how much happiness we own, no matter how much kindness we spread, if God isn't the basis for doing it, then it means nothing..(Col. 3:23)

It's just something new that I've learned this summer! God has blessed me so much with this genuine joy & growth in serving Him, I just can't keep my trap shut anymore.

>Self-obtained happiness is great, God-ordained happiness is SO MUCH greater!

Tonight, we had a Belize reunion. Spirit-driven stories are the only super good ones.
Two of my beautiful, lovely, amazing friends and I are sitting outside. One girl has given her life to Christ and my other is in pursuit! I cannot express to you the genuine & godly joy that overwhelmed my heart when the beauty in pursuit said this, "I'm envious of strong women that can have a relationship with Christ." I'm still overwhelmed because those words are words that I can remember thinking a few months ago. And once a spirit starts to reach for the Holy Spirit, they won't be left hangin'. God is about to rock this beauty's world, I just know it! THEN! towards the end of the conversation, she says this, "have you ever heard of Harborside? I hang out with their pastor at Starbucks like everyday."   God, seriously? Get out of here.  When God pursues, He really means serious business.

So in thinking of God's pursuit for this beauty, He reminded me of our love story. The way He has pursued, loved, and just made me...me. On the way home, I was listening to an old CD and the lyrics said "time to take all the lamp shades off"   (I'm here to be this shining, not complacent, joy-sharing light bulb)     Since that line, I've been thinking about my lamp shade. That dulling cover over my light for the Lord, is it gone yet?

God is in my every moment! A few seconds ago, God used a friend to text me His answer,
"idk what it is yet, but theres
just something about you that
glows."

again God...get out of here! coincidences my BUTT. God is here, God is here.

The Spirit is SO SO SO SO SO alive inside of this temporal flesh. NONE of this is my doing, the Spirit came in and transformed my worldly Spirit. Though being 100% spirit-led all the time is perfection, is Jesus Christ... God has planted this desire in my heart to recognize & step on flesh-led actions. And because the Spirit is so alive in this rotting flesh, recognizing other lights for Christ has become quite the excitement,
GOD CHANGES.
COMPLETES.
HEALS.
GLOWS.
USES.
:)

ps. coincidences are simply God moving,
so when you see paths being crossed,
you're seeing God working

a Dream Come True

For a while I've had this dream of doing a one night only girls retreat about struggles & complete healing in the Lord. I've always looked at this dream as something that would happen way later when I could get a better handle on event planning & coordinating, but God had a different time in mind :)

So Friday morning, I woke up with a list of a million things to do to prepare for that night. In Stranded, I shared that Satan sucks aaand my flights were mucho delayed, so I lost a whole day of prep. BUT! God is faithful! My feet hit the ground to start running my day and I feel this immediate pull on my heart, and it's almost like I had forgotten that this night was all about what God's going to do, not what I can put together. Time in the Word brought me to Paul's words..

1 Corinthians 2:3-5 "I came to you in weakness- timid & trembling. And my message and my preaching were very plain. Rather than using clever & persuasive speeches, I relied only on the power of the Holy Spirit. I did this so you would trust not in human wisdom but in the power of God."

Last night was nothing short of amazing. The Lord provided the funds, the perfect time & the perfect place.  About 30 high school girls & college students & leaders drove up to St. Pete Friday afternoon to watch the Lord's movement. 

This night started off with a meeting, dinner and creating "Things I'm Thankful For" books. Tylar & Joy kicked our first session off with amazing worship, and Ash was a vessel for the Lord. As she spoke on purity, one of our girls interrupted her literally just to thank her for the words she had just spoken. They touched this girls heart and she was so overwhelmed, she had to speak! My favorite Ash notes:
"Are you being the woman the man you're looking for is looking for?"
and my favorite favorite,
"think of your most valued possession. mine's my computer. nobody can touch it, use it, play with it...and when I went shopping for it, I wasn't looking for one that was used and broken. I wanted a new one, that nobody's touched before"

Purity talk, Lord, was strengthening.

Then, not to my surprise, there was a mess up. I had given Heather the same topic that I gave myself. Then...not to my surprise, again, the Lord uses Heather to calm the storm, "Maddie, God obviously needs this discussion to be reiterated with different words & in different stories"    Praaaaaise the Lord.

So back to back, Heather & I spoke on finding wholeness in the Lord and not relying on people to provide that. I had to do prep during Heathers :/ So I really don't know if we crossed words at all but I just continued to pray Paul's words from earlier that day. And boy, did he provide!! again...not surprised. 

The Chocolate Room...they say chocolate mends a broken heart, but I say that my ultimate Lover eternally heals it. I told the girls my struggles with depression & heart ache. How I got myself into it and how the Lord became my knight in shining armor to rescue me out of it. 2 Corinthians 12:8-9 "Three different times I begged the Lord to take it away. Each time he said, "My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness." So now I'm glad to boast about my weaknesses so that the power of Christ can work through me."
 It brought about the guy topic in which the light bulb analogy kicked in! if you're a light bulb for christ, the only reason to bring a guy around is to have another light bulb to shine 2 times brighter. I shared with them my struggle about bringing ungodly BOYS in close to my heart. "Guard your heart for it determines the course of your life." Proverbs 4:23. The Lord says that when we listen to this command, we find life and healing!  Oh how true that is. 
And being in love, being in a divine romance, isn't something that's easy to hide. I'm so thankful the Lord pursued me like He did, because the Lord has shown me that love is not mediocre. Love is joy...it's chilling, it brings happiness...no matter how hard the going gets, you come out stronger. 
And as if God hadn't done enough, he crossed paths with a beautiful girl sitting in the room. She shared her struggles with me, as I did mine.  The power of the spirit is indescribable.

Then chocolate party, Robyn & Joy. Rob and Joy were in the Royalty Room. They spoke on being daughters of the King. Robyn with trust & Joy with genuine happiness in God. Asking me for my personal opinion would not help because I couldn't be in there BUT in knowing that our God is all knowing and super faithful, I'm confident He provided! 

The girls then went for the jammies while we set up the party room. Black lights, loud music and crazy dancing brought our night to an end. 

Girls crashed everywhere & Robyn and I finished up their SeeYa bags. These bags the girls took home contained a symbol from everyone's talk. Attached to it was their key verse. For example...Jade spoke Saturday morning about image and natural beauty. It's not the outside that counts to fill our Spirit but the inside. Spiritual food is more important than physical food!...Any who, example, the girls were sent home with a flower attached to her key verse. Every speaker had a symbol.

We all made it back to the church in the rain and tornado weather, thankfully. God has already started to make my dreams come true and I'm only 19. What in the world does he have planned...


Our God is GOOD, so so so GOOD!

Stranded

I've been stranded for about 8 hours now. Panama City airport got me to Atlanta airport, just to sit & wait for Delta to say "we're overbooked, try again tomorrow". So in the middle of my flesh-driven frustration, I have to admit that I focused very little on what God had planned with all of this. 

Now I'm settled in my hotel room, and I look back at everything that went down today & have no one to blame but satan. Friday & Saturday is the middle school girls event & the Lord has led me to plan it. Why would satan want the woman with the plan to be there?  He sucks. But at this point, I know he wants me to be discouraged. He wants me to be overwhelmed, and I learned this past week that the only overwhelm we should have, is being overwhelmed with victory. That makes me smile. 

Romans 8:37 "No, despite all these things, overwhelming victory is ours through Christ, who loved us"

With this down time, beautiful room and MOST COMFORTABLE BED EVER...my Lover has brought me here to focus and recoup and love on Him. This weekend won't be able to happen without His power and in the mess of planning, I was soon to forget that. My Lover brought me here to really show me what He has planned for this weekend and even has shown me some of the things I missed over the past month that He's done for me! I am so grateful, thankful, blessed, amazed, joyful and full of chills that He has this divine romance all planned out already :)


So, I have yet to be home for the past month. Traveling all over has been amazing and every trip has been so different. 

This summer, I had the opportunity to go on the Engage mission trip with our middle schoolers. If you know me, you know my heart for my middle school girls. They are MY LIFE. And I've missed them so incredibly much these past few weeks. We had the time of our lives at Engage. There's something about working for the Lord that is just so fulfilling and so overwhelming! 

Belize...I don't even have words for this trip. It was such a strengthening week in my walk with the Lord. You really can never finish growing. I was once prayed over with these words, 
"Lord, show Madison that even though physical food is important,
being spiritually fed is what keeps her alive."
The more spiritual food..the more growth. These 2 weeks in Belize provided so many opportunities to share God, learn God and just feel the Lord's movement! It still gives me chills. Belize was beautiful. We snorkeled with sharks & sting rays. Scariest moment of my life. We went muddin like no other Floridian has seen before. We hiked more than anyone's ever hiked before. 








AH! Since my charger is with my luggage in Tampa already, my computer's dying, BUT! I can't contain this love. One last thing...Right before I thought I was going to bed, He said this,

"I will deliver you from every evil attack and will bring you safely into my heavenly Kingdom. All glory to God forever and ever!" 2 Timothy 4:18. 

He stranded me to love on me,

:)

His Story

Sometimes...most times...we get distracted with our stories, our life, our goals. I was blessed with a reminder tonight that I'm part of not just a bigger story, but THEE story. A story that I'm called to live for, a story that has been going on since the beginning of creation. Who am I to think for a second that this story has anything to do with just me?

Accepting Christ is God empowering one with the Spirit. I'm not given this power & this Spirit to boost me up in achieving my own story. That's like taking a box of pizza to a homeless shelter and eating the whole thing on the way there. This empowerment of the Spirit, is not meant to be taken selfishly. So with this Holy Spirit inside, we run! We have accepted to play this part for God. Being who He calls me to be, living where He places me and doing what He asks of me. 

When we surrender, we surrender it ALL because when we accept the Spirit to live in us, we accept it ALL.  

The thing that's so awesome about God is that no matter who He calls me to be, or where, He's constant, never changing, always loving. And although this is His story, He's still gracious enough to be faithful. Jeez louise, this isn't even my story and He still wants to love this broken and sinful character. God makes my heart melt; my Ultimate Lover makes my heart melt. 

He gives me the chills and He overjoys me like nobody else. He shows me a true & genuine relationship & lovership. When 2 are joined together, nothing else but the true light of Christ should be seen. And even though I feel like this is my love story sometimes, ultimately it's His. I think that God's story book doesn't have chapters. The story that He's writing is so great and powerful that there can never be even the tiniest break to start a new chapter. He just keeps going and going. And the thing is, we can see this book being written! When have I ever had the chance to watch a brilliant author write his book!? (...Well never, because I hate reading:) and watching that would be like watching paint dry to me.) But God's God, not just an ordinary author.

"These people (early church) were seeking to engage on what God was doing & as they engaged on what God was doing, God showed up & did incredible things" -Todd Nighswonger

All I have to do to be in this story, is to accept Christ, be empowered by His Spirit and engage, become a part of His movement! For me, the first is checked. The second is checked and still learning about the empowerment and the third is a work in progress. Constantly praying, "God just show me where you're working" 

Working for Christ is fulfillment. And again, this isn't my story, but being apart of God's story fills me up, how selfless, faithful & loving can one God be?! 
Romans 5:5 "For we know how dearly God loves us, because He has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with this love."


God, why did you write me in this story of Yours?

the Sky Has Freckles

God is at work in Belize!!!

Backtrack to Monday and hear this news!...Since I knew I was part of this trip, I've been praying for God to give me opportunities to share His name and tell people how genuine and amazing my Lover really is. Boy, has he blessed that! Tuesday night, about 6 of our group members were out front of my loft hanging out. Out of nowhere, the God topic comes up. Guys, I had the opportunity to really share Him!! And I mean hands down, complete silence in the room, open ears. GOD MOVED. And this time it was different...sharing God with people really has nothing to do with the knowledge you have OF Him but the love you have FOR Him. That love is really what shines and gets peoples' attention! End of the conversation, this boy comes next to me and says "Ya know, I used to know & feel what you're feeling" And from that night on, God has blessed me with so many more opportunities like this, it's crazy! 

In a group full of atheists, naturalists, you name it...my faith is growing deeper & stronger and I'm falling more in love :) 

OH! Dinner time was a HUGE blessing as well! One of the girls sat next to me...one who is very ambitious and motivated and adventurous. Turns out, she lives part time in India and is a HUGE activist for sex trafficking. We've been brain storming and plotting and learning from each other. How awesome our God truly is!!!!!

THEN! when you think He can't do much else...He listens. I've been having a bit of discouragement being the only one here that really knows the Truth, so that's been on my heart. Well, a surprise professor ended up coming on the trip so she can learn how to lead one and she's a believer! She's a Christian and very much in the Word and puts the Lord before anything & everything & everyone. It gives me chills just thinking about how God took care of me so quickly!

The past 2 days, people have really started to confide their stories in me. The Spirit inside of me has given them this grand welcoming to share their hearts. That is nothing of my doing, I don't even know that me just as myself without Christ would want to listen, but we are all just souls with bodies and I've been given the answer to completing my soul. Listening and sharing is just the most incredible thing God has put into this Spirit. I'm so thankful. 

So Tuesday begins...we visited a Mayan ruin (one that I won't attempt to spell out). I can't lie, it was SO boring. Until we got to climb:) 150 feet up in the air sat this very ancient eroding Mayan building... one where royalty lived. We got to the very top and I've seriously never seen anything like it. From the top, you see all green. You see Belize and Guatemala.  You see beauty, everywhere, wondering how the lost can't see God. I couldn't help by just smile, knowing that all this beauty was hand crafted by my Lover! Getting down was the worst thing ever. The stairs...weren't really stairs and it was more like pieces of rock to climb down. So thankful for Dillon, he slowly stepped ahead and encouraged me the whole way down. 

Next up was canoeing. It's not the first time I've gone canoeing but it's most definitely the first time I've gone canoeing with monkeys climbing throughout the trees next to me! :) Again, just the beauty of God's work is breathtaking.

Mmmm, last night was a night hike in flip flops and early pass-out. And! I learned that the sky has freckles. The stars here are indescribable, Florida doesn't do our night sky a justice.  

This morning was beautiful, like all the others. Walking in the cold, up to our outside dining area surrounded by trees and rain forest...so out of the norm for me. Breakfast was amazing. All the food here has been the best thing I've ever tasted..!!

Today consisted of a HUUUUGE, beautiful cave and another hike through some boring ruins. But! Again...climbing the ruins was an amazing feeling. Getting up so high on such little steps is such an accomplishment!! Getting down is scary, but I don't think about it :)  I just try to stick next to somebody who looks more retarded than I do climbing down! 

Next up was this big watering, swimming hole thing. There was one little waterfall and a bunch of mini rapids to go with it. 4 of us ventured off to find the length of the river. As the 3 made their way back, I stayed put at the top of the waterfall and had the opportunity to finally just be alone with my Lover. Yes, He's always with me, but the alone time with Him has had to be minimal. We sat for a little bit and headed back:)

Theeeennn....church with Mrs. Tut. To be brutally honest, the speaker and the worship was AWFUL! But, regardless, the Spirit was alive in that room. It didn't matter how bad everything was, the Lord was just movin'! I made an adorable little friend named....And then! Another God moment, the speaker gets up and says "We're speaking about love. Turn to 1 Corinthians 13" God literally JUST taught me these verses in depth last week at the Engage conference with my middle schoolers! ...Whom, by the way, have come up atleast 5 times a day:) So the man goes through 1 Corinthians. And I don't know if it was just me or the Spirit moving, but I felt led to go ask Him if I could speak with him. He was a very monotone, strange man. But we ended up speaking to the pastor as well who asked me to come lead the youth night Saturday night!!! How awesome is our God! His Spirit inside of me is moving and growing and loving, I'm so excited!!!

God has blessed me with a lot of amazing conversation already this week. Tonight, the other Christian lady and I got to talking about relationships. We swapped stories and she really encouraged me because she's so happy to be married. Most people aren't. And I really have been starting to limit God when it comes to that part of my life. I've been completely satisfied with the idea of being a very independent woman of Christ. This could be the plan for me, but I also need to be open to God bringing a man around. I guess. I still struggle with the idea of ever letting any man back in, but if they genuinely have the Spirit, then it shouldn't be a heartbreaker because it would all be to the glory of God.  The way that I see it...we're called to be a light in the darkness. So I picture all christians walking around as light bulbs and when 2 light bulbs get together, they make it 2x brighter. THIS is how relationships should be. And I won't ever settle for less again. The more light, the less dark. Hm, nice concept God :)

So all in all, the food is AMAZING.

Yesterday our guide said to me, "When I'm talking, you shut up" & it was rude.

This boy keeps asking me to tea when we get home.

My professor has officially adopted me.

I take my pillow in the van everywhere we go.

I bought stuff.

THE LORD IS USING THIS SOUL

& I'm so complete :)

Sell Tacos, Not Children

Day 1 of Belize feels like day 24 of Belize...bittersweet.
Bitter due to the muggy, humid and extremely buggy weather.
Sweet due to the friendships that have already been formed so quickly and the amount of times God has reminded me He's with me.

Waking up this morning was traumatic. 4:30 came too early. My ride's power went off so he was no where to be found. My mom missed the airport exit. My bag was 6.5 pounds over weight. The "SPC Student" sticker on my luggage gave the desk guy permission to tell me his life story for 10 minutes. There was no Starbucks by my gate. I couldn't sleep on the plane because it was too crunched. I finally got comfortable on the Miami airport floor and it turned freezing and woke me up.

Satan can play hard. But my Lover plays harder. From there on out, I somehow ended up in conversations with every person throughout the day about their beliefs. God opened my eyes to these peoples' hearts and thoughts and I'm so thankful! He gave me opportunities to tell some how happy He makes me!!

Then, He started to show up even more...bringing comfort and encouragement my way. I ended up sitting next to a group of people with shirts that said "Sell Tacos Not Children" so I got to talk to these child labor activists about their mission! Then! a team of soccer players pass by with a Hebrews verse on their shirts...more encouragement! Finally, I saw God in the blue shirt mission team. I don't know their names, but their shirt was blue and it said "mission team" on it! Just a reminder that I'm on my own mission trip and to stay strong.

After landing in Miami, we stop at the Roadside Diner. AMAZING food. and get this..my Lover paid for me! Oh what a blessing:)

Next stop was the Belize Zoo...what a sight. I saw animals I've never seen before and got close to the most exotic things. How..exciting..We got to drip sweat, smell bad and yawn our way around the zoo. My favorite animal, up close, however, was the leopard. I couldn't help but stare at it and think, God how did you even think of that design? They're so beautiful and so unique, their spots..colors..design, is just so breath taking.

Next stop was the resort, we hiked swam and got into our rooms. I was blessed with a loft assignment. God really does know even my littlest desires!

The food is wonderful. The people are already family. The views are indescribable.

OH! and I got a boyfriend. 12 year old Jeronie! He asked me on a date night to the tower to look at stars. How precious:)

Bugs are killing me, ...survival of the fittest.

my Lover, keep me goin'! Amen.

Injection

Day 3 of the middle school mission trip! We've been working on a Christian retreat house for girls that have gotten in trouble or just simply don't fit in their homes. It's the same idea as a youth ranch but the power of the Spirit behind that staff makes it something completely different.

Today, we had a chance to hang out with some of the girls. Girls with crazy pasts and tremendous testimonies! God has used these girls to teach me the most simple things and I'm so thankful! I was blessed with the opportunity to grow closer to one of my girls that I've been teaching since 08. She had a stroke years back and lost the ability to use her left arm. But can I say that I have never met a girl with so much confidence from the Lord and so much thankfulness in her heart! Today we went off the side to read some of Matthew together! Matthew 5:14-16 was key in our study.

"you are the light of the world-like a city on a hilltop that cannot be hidden. No one lights a lamp and then puts it under a basket. Instead, it is placed on a stand to give light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before men, so they can see your good works and glorify your Father in heaven."

If we make no effort to affect the world around us, then we're of very tiny value to God. If we're too much like the world, we're useless. We shouldn't be blending in with everyone but instead affecting others positively.

How...how do we change the world? How do we impact and affect and revive?! It's as simple as this...

LOVE. It's a 4 letter word that we overuse and complicate and watered down. 1 John 4 tells us that God is love. So with that, if we don't know God, we have no clue what love is. In a letter to the Corinthians, Paul explains what real love is. We have turned these verses into lovey mushy wedding services, our speaker pointed out tonight. But can I tell you this...Paul wasn't intending it to be for 2 lovers but rather for a group of believers that we're performing "good" deeds for their own selfish gain. Paul is simply telling these people, hey you're not acting in love. If you were this is what it would look like...
Patience, kind, does not envy, does not boast, not proud or self seeking, it's not easily angered and keeps no record of wrongs, love rejoices in the truth, it always hopes, trusts and perseveres.

Love is sacrifice. This is when I realized how much we water down the story of the cross. Do we even realize that a man who was perfect and complete left his comfort place in heaven to come here to save you? And to save me? We should've been on that cross! That is nothing to be taken lightly. Just because it's history gives us zero right to not recognize the Truth!

I have been searching for a peace providing, all consuming love and this week, God has pursued :) that's what I call a love story!!

So let me spring this prayer on you...God has really laid it on my heart to write. I'm still praying for confirmation, but I think I'm being called to write something big, a book maybe? So all through worship, I prayed. The speaker comes and goes and 1 last worship song ends the night.

However, I can't stand. I felt this empowerment to write and write. I didn't know what, so I just went with it.

"so when it seems that God is not close and my doubts are really kicking in and love in my life has come and gone..HIS love has hope. HIS love NEVER fails, gives up or runs out on me, even if everyone else does. I have God and He is all I need to fulfill this life and my purpose and His plan. He guides with His love, His love is empowering and overjoying. His love answers. His love pursues. When no one else will complete or fulfill you, that's God screaming CHOOSE ME ! Love is not just a feeling, not the butterflies in my tummy or the cheesey smile that won't go away.
Love is an injection of the Spirit! Love is an injection of hope, kindness, patience. Love is something way beyond the butterflies. Love is more real than anything we can imagine. Yes, let's complete the love checklist, patient/kind/not self-seeking... But the only way we can begin to make love a lifestyle is through knowing our Savior. Let's share this genuine joy and this TRUE LOVE that only God can provide! Accepting Gods real love is a choice. And so is settling for the norm and just letting love be the tingling in your toes. No more dull love life. Love is way more exciting than life portrays!!! My Gods love is real and powerful and it's accepted...by little ole me.
THIS IS REAL!"

Let the Lord inject His love and His spirit into your life. I can only picture emptiness and depression without this Love,

:)