Cow Bells

Cattle Barron’s Ball, An American Cancer Society Fundraiser, 9/27

Theme: Denim & Diamonds

I was asked a lot of months ago to speak at this event that I’d never heard of. At that time, I was jumping on every speaking opportunity I could so of course I said yes! But I didn’t know what I had signed up for..

The week leading up to September 27 was one of the toughest weeks I’ve had in a long time. My mind was scattered with so many things that I forgot about the simple things. Like grabbing my phone off the roof of my car when pulling out of the Starbucks parking lot. To my dismay, the ‘find my iphone’ app led us to the middle of 19 where my 5c looked a lot like the inside of my brain. Scattered and all over the place. It took 5 days and 3 trips to Trinity to get a functioning phone, but in the mess I got to reconnect with 2 powerful women that I definitely needed to talk to and pray with before Cattle Barrons.

Spiritual warfare at its finest.

But where there was darkness, the Lord provided Light.

Always.

Saturday comes! My family and I drive up to Leesburg for our 3:00 check in. (American Cancer Society rented a cabin for us for the weekend!) Our backyard view was breathtaking...

5:00, VIP festivities. I got to meet some people on the ACS staff and event sponsors who were so awesome! The pamphlet with my face on the back page came out, that was neat. I read the 2 paragraph bio that I had written earlier in the week but decided I didn’t’ like it. It was something I prayed over so I thought I wrote what God had put on my heart, but did I hear wrong? He answered my question fast when a random man came up to me and said “hey, read your bio. This is the best bio. It encouraged me and I want you to know I’m a man of faith too so I’m excited to hear your story!” Well. Questionable bio problem solved. 

Somewhere in the VIP fiesta, I became old and my brother was referred to as my son. 

7:00 the Cattle Barron’s Ball begins! You guys, I’m freaking out. I’m so pumped and ready to go but at the same time not feeling good at all. Not out of nerves, out of ‘I cheated and ate gluten the day before’. (I have celiac’s) So I’m praying against the sick feelings and praying for confidence and boldness like Drew said. And man did it work…

They called my name and I walked up the stairs and felt more comfortable on that stage than I’ve felt on any stage. And this is my 11^th event. Corey & Abbey Conroy's boxing picture of me was blown up behind me while the prayers for the Lord to take over my words were answered. Jokes were made, people were cracking up. Pain was shared, people were crying. It was such an emotional 12 minutes for everyone.

I got a “heck yeah, she’s single” yelled from the back and lots of cow bells rang when I told them about my relationship ending. That made me laugh! And I accidentally called everyone in menopause old...oops :) 

That night, we got a standing ovation.

All glory to God, His Word was spoken and alive and the light of Christ was seen.  I asked Him to use me, to take over my words and He goes nothing short of crazy with that request. We make a pretty good team, but secretly, He’s the better, more powerful half.  So in reality, the standing ovation was His and I’ve never seen a cooler site.

I didn’t make it a full step off the stage before the hugs and tears start all over again. First with the family, then with the strangers. Strangers would come over, hold on to me and just cry. They had painful stories of their own to share or they wanted to hear more of mine. Either way, the conversation always included, "that was something powerful, you should continue on this path" (or along the lines of). 

I was told I was glowing, I was told that I had fulfilled my purpose of God putting me there that night. Philippians 4 was shared with someone battling alcoholism, it says “Though I have a lot or a little, I can do anything with Christ who strengthens me”. I was told that was the most powerful thing they had ever sat through. Stories and stories flowed from my new friends and it was like my heart couldn’t handle it all! All I could think was “praise God”. 

I was given business cards and contact info's so I've been going back and forth with a few new friends. You'll find one of my new favorite people below.... :) 

SO, all this to say...thank you for praying, supporting and encouraging. The prayer that covered this event made it so completely different than the rest. And it's most certainly not the last...

MM

California Dream ...wasn't a dream

Today marks a pretty killer day in the history of Deep See. First of all, we have officially reached over 10,000 page views!! Thank you all so, so much for reading and following and supporting and encouraging! I had no idea that God was taking this blog so far and I can't wait to see what's coming, I hope you stick along for the ride :)          Second of all, Deep See has made a little transformation! Past posts have had a lot of focus in life struggles. But be ready for future posts to also include living life fully alive, both eyes wide open - traveling stories, health tips, etc.  But don't let this transformation fool you. This blog and its readers will forever be prayed over. The posts will forever be fully influenced by the Spirit of Christ in me. So please, I ask you to remember
Philippians 2:13 "For God is working in you, giving you the desire and the power to do what pleases Him."  These writings, these posts, these words...all because of Jesus. And it's all because of Jesus that not only this blog has been transformed, but so have I.


I have to admit that after Luke & I split, I walked around convincing myself daily that I was healed and that I was fine. I would pray about it and talk to my mentors about it but my heart would still hurt and the tears were still falling. Somewhere in there, I also convinced myself that I did everything I could to give the pain and the weight to God, but it didn't work. So I turned to instant gratification and here comes some vulnerability...it was at this time that I found myself around more bars, clubs, alcohol and guys than ever before. All that stuff seemed to take the weight off and all that stuff taught me that I didn't need to care about being fully healed. It was ok to live with only one eye open as long as I had temporary fixes. Needless to say, my Jesus relationship had weakened and my admiration of the world became so much greater.

{side note- there's nothing wrong with alcohol unless used for healing or
crazy drunken purposes. Jesus turned water in wine, guys.  He kept the parties going and frowned upon lukewarm believers & their religious activity.
Read John 2.
"For the Kingdom of God is not a matter of what we eat or drink, but of living a life of goodness, peace, joy and fullness in the Holy Spirit." Romans 14:17}


COLORADO : HEALING

After happily (the deceived kind) walking around rock bottom for a while, I had the honor of being a bridesmaid in Courteney (now) Mile's wedding in Colorado.
MFF (Maddie Fun Fact): traveling is what wakes me up, it's my passion!

Needless to say, I was so pumped to be going somewhere new and seeing this girl I hadn't seen in years! I think there was also some secret joy in being pulled away from this life I had created for myself. Here's the first journal entry:

"We (me & Jesus) did it! We left at 8:50 headed towards Colorado. I'm running on 3 hours of sleep which led to the most uncomfortable ride in the middle seat...Anyways, not even 30 minutes 'til touch down. Jesus, we have an entire 12 days to do whatever we want. 12 days for you to guide, teach and re mold me. 12 days you don't have to fight for my attention. Here's my heart, Lord. Here's my life, Lord. Speak what is true.    -M"

I spent 4 beautiful days with Courteney & family in Colorado. It was here that I got to be apart of one of the most beautiful and real weddings I've ever seen. It was here that I had to face full healing. I journaled every night and one night, I couldn't sleep after a journal entry. It sounds crazy but I felt like God was keeping me up. He had something for me. So I grabbed my phone and put on some worship music, opened up the notes app and just wrote. Truly by the power of the Holy Spirit in me, He wrote to me.

"My daughter, have I not proven to you over and over again that you can trust me? That I bring full healing? I won't let pain linger. Remember, my love, when you have a hard time letting go of that relationship, that it wasn't love. For I am Love. And I was not recognized between the two of you. It was bondages of lust and comfort that kept you going. These are what brought your attachment, your feelings. Not me. But listen, daughter, I am handcrafting a man for you. One that I will bring to you in my timing. Undeniably, by my power alone. One that knows Me and loves Me, so in turn, will know how to love you the way I truly intended. Can you even imagine what a relationship brought together by Me and Me alone will look like? Daughter, until then, let me hold your heart. Let me take away this lingering pain. Let me show you, once again, my faithfulness and healing. I'm jealous for your love, your heart. Choose me to be the one who holds it."

That night, He rocked my world. and I haven't felt that deep pain since that night before I accepted His offer.

SAN DIEGO : BRAVERY & GRACE

I arrived in San Diego on Sunday where I'd be staying for 3 days with the precious Stacey and Nick Rawson. I really had no plan in California, I just knew I wanted to see San Diego & LA, so I did. (Thank you, Jesus, for that spontaneity molded in me!) Nick & Stacey let me stay with them because they're great, they even gave me a car to use. I mean these people are perfect.... The first night I was there, they took me to a beach bonfire for their high school ministry. I met lots and lots of new people and eventually made it to one girl who I particularly seemed to click with. By the end of our conversation, Catie had given me a 3 day itinerary of things/places to see in LA AND a place to stay. A safe place, mom;)

I spent all of my San Diego mornings at the Living Room, another recommended CA place! It was the greatest little vintage coffee shop with the best breakfasts & most quiet places to be still.

June 9 Journal entry:

"I'm sitting on a cliff overlooking miles of ocean listening to the seals of La Jolla talk to each other. It's cloudy and a little chilly, but nowhere and nothing could take the cake on where I just ate lunch. A little cave in this cliff. Just me & Jesus. This place is immaculate. I've never seen anything like it. I have a strengthened desire for my God being in the middle of His artistry and craftsmanship. My heart craves His. Finally."

I spent 3 1/2 incredible days in San Diego with Stacey & Nick and Allegra (new friend!!). It was here that I got to explore and experience completely new places. It was here that I learned bravery & grace. A sermon that just happened to be at the right place, at the right time (wonder who planned that one...)

<iframe src="//player.vimeo.com/video/97722063" width="500" height="281" frameborder="0" webkitallowfullscreen mozallowfullscreen allowfullscreen></iframe> <p><a href="http://vimeo.com/97722063">Invisible Week 2</a> from <a href="http://vimeo.com/thechapelvids">theChapel.cc</a> on <a href="https://vimeo.com">Vimeo</a>.</p>

Read John 2 again... The woman at the well's answer to Jesus wasn't "help me, heal me, restore me" it was avoiding the subject, "oh..so you did this thing the other day..."

-our pain can force us to look away from Jesus, causing Him to become invisible in our lives.
-we render Him invisible when He doesn't do things the way we want & when we want. And because we can't always wrap our mind around His way and reason it, we miss Him and go back to what's comfortable for us

That San Diego is beaut. The next day, I ventured out and hiked up Cowels Mountain but couldn't get down it fast enough to go lay out at Coronado Beach. Obviously, there's a favorite between the two. Both, however, came with drop dead gorgeous scenery that's forever stuck in my memory :)

LOS ANGELES : FULLY SATISFIED

Wednesday was travel day. I took my first train ride from San Diego to LA & it was beautiful! I made new friends at the station that were a total God send. They pointed me in the direction that I needed to go then happened to be on the same train! June 11 journal entry:

AM: "As for today, we've officially reached out half way point to LA. Arrival time should be around 5:40. I woke up today with no plan. Just cleaned up the apartment and went to the train station. I'll try to rent a car at LAX but we'll see. Who knows how that'll go. Jesus."

PM: "Goodnight June 11. You were full of firsts and multiple God stories: first train ride, first city bus ride (train station to LAX), not so first shuttle ride, first car rental on my own. Through all this crazy mess, I met people...Now I lay in a stranger's bed, in a stranger's guest house. Travel time today 2:40-8:00. Lord, you made it possible to be here. To be alive. Let's let loose on this city tomorrow! All glory to you. All power from you. My life lived for you. Let bravery and grace, peace and joy show off their stuff. Thank you for ridding me of my fear of silence. My life is Yours.  -M"

The next day, I went to Intelligensia Coffee shop where I met the love of my life. Red plaid shirt. He made my coffee and it was love at first site. But reality..., I had on my HE>I shirt that day, so I made that my prayer. That every move I make, I realize that He is undeniably greater than me. Except, I didn't act that way. I spoke it, but didn't act it. I tried to take my plans into my own hands that day. I went to the Universal Studio's lot tour doing everything I could to find the Pretty Little Liars cast. They filmed that day. And ALL of my little good, yet deceiving plans failed, I didn't find any of them, and I was mad. Funny thing was that my Bible app just happened to open itself (which it never does) to the verse of the day which was:
Titus 2:11-12 "For the grace of God has been revealed, bringing salvation to all people. And we are instructed to turn from godless living and sinful pleasures. Live with devotion to God.." Let God handle it.
But my shirt did get recognition from 3 other people on the lot wearing HE>i stuff. That was cool...
( http://www.hegreaterthani.com )


June 12, I wrote about a date I went on. The girl that I met in San Diego (Catie) drove up to LA to take me out! She took me to Cafe 101 next to the Hollywood Hotel (Marilyn Monroe's hotel) and then covered my eyes until we got to the top of the Griffith Observatory, which overlooks all of LA. The hills, downtown, everything. It was beautiful. It was a beautiful time with a beautiful new mentor.

June 13 journal entry:
"God, you've done enough. I'm sorry I moped around for not getting my way with the PLL cast. YOU set the bar by sending Jesus to love me, die for me & guide me. THAT should be what satisfies me...more than satisfies. As for this trip, your healing and restoration is way more than satisfying. You are my eternal Surpriser." <<Does the second sentence not just scream highly emotional/dumb :|

 That day, I had lunch with Ali Roland. I girl that I met at the Passion Conference in 2013 in Atlanta who just happened to be in LA at the same time. God works in absolutely surprising, crazy ways! It was about 5 minutes after my lunch date ended with Ali that Shaye Mitchell (Pretty Little Liars cast) posted an invite to a Q&A she was having downtown. God, what? So I went and I was 1 of 20 people sitting in a circle with her. I got a chance to thank her, hug her and give her a letter for the rest of her cast and crew thanking them for helping me through chemo. God had something SO much bigger than what I had planned. Instead of handing her a letter in passing on the studio tour, He took me right to her and gave me so much time with her. Our God is a surprising God!

So I went to the Ivy. I definitely recommend checking this restaurant out, too. SO worth the expensive meal... I was journaling when the table behind me invited me to sit with them so they could hear about my cancer & remission & my life. They felt like immediate family. I spoke with them for about 30 minutes before they invited me to their next event: The SoHo House.  A social club for Hollywood celebrities and producers. Yep, it was as big of a deal as it sounds. I spent my night with Michelle, producer of The Doctors, and Brannon Braga, writer/producer of Star Trek, Mission Impossible, Twenty Four and his latest & greatest, Salem. Insanely incredible people. They let me run around and explore the SoHo House on my own where I met a few different Hollywood producers and may or may not have been in  the presence of Bono & the rest of U2 for a little bit. I felt like I was dreaming, you guys.  But at the same time, I felt the godlessness of that place. I felt a lot of self-empowered people. A lot of unfulfilled people. And here is where my new mission lies... I hung out for a little while longer after Brannon & Michelle left. You see, there was this gorgeous group of guys that had walked in...and well....I had to stay.

The next day was my last day and God started it with a new friend, Meagan, from Robert Pattinson's favorite breakfast place. We talked about God and living life with both eyes open, sharing similar stories. What an ending to this trip...


There's so much more to all of this...so many more God stories. So much depth I skipped over. But it'll all come out over time. I hope you stick around to follow this mission that God has set me on: to bring Jesus to LA and counteract Hollywood's ways, the rock of our culture. It's big but God's bigger.

And my journal entries end with this on June 14:
"When I prayed for you to speak what is true in my heart and in my life on day one,
I had no idea what I had signed up for."

My remission trip was one of healing, restoration and new callings.
All because 12 short days were fully surrendered to him.
But imagine a lifetime of surrender...
Our God is an awesome God!

MM

Wuddup Q

Here we are, 1/3 of the way through 2014. How is this possible? I feel like time just keeps pickin’ up the pace. Everyday goes a little quicker, a little faster. Opportunities come, times change, people grow, life happens. But with all of this rapid movement, do I have a designated time to pull away from all of this and just be with God? Read His words, praise Him and thank Him for being God no matter what I’m facing… Through every good and every bad, God is still God and God is still good.

 The beginning of this year started out rough with Luke and I ending our relationship. And the first of Grandpa’s birthdays celebrated without him. Needless to say, we serve a God that loves us enough to care about even our tiniest hurt, so He’s been doing some crazy healing in my heart and in my family’s. On March 2, I went to The Chapel in Tarpon Springs where Pastor Q taught me this:

In James 1, the 12 tribes followed Jesus but were tortured and beaten for doing so. But because of this, the Gospel was spread throughout the land. James 1:2 “..when trouble comes your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy.” Joy comes from the delight we have in knowing who the Savior is, no matter the circumstance.

James 1:3 “..know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance.” Perseverance: the ability to remain under.

>>God uses trials to build the strength & ability in me to remain under who He is, therefore, being the Madison I am called to be<<

Testing always precedes advancement

“When He sees that I’m not attached to anything or anybody more than Him, He’ll give me more to oversee”

---

Ok, so embrace the hurt, don’t bury it. God will use it. And oh boy, has He ever.

It seems like since I sat through that sermon, things have really grown. Rapidly. Opportunities have come up that can’t be explained anything short of God’s doing. In April, alone, I’ve had the opportunity to tell big crowds of people about the hope and peace of knowing Jesus Christ throughout cancer. (Philippians 4:7 “You will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand.”) He’s taken B.A.L.D., from our last blog post, to a whole new extreme that I definitely did not see coming. And there’s now a magazine and a website with His name on it.    I will never be a Jesus-down-your-throat-shover, but I will follow His greatest command –to love. And with that, I want to love on people and show the light of Christ to those who are stuck in a dark place, whether it’s because of cancer or not. There’s a hope and a peace to get us through- that was found in the presence of my Savior. Jesus.

“When did love become un-consuming?

When did love become unmoving?

Forget what the world has told me.

My Love, my Father of Love, you can have me.

I will never look back, so Jesus,

Here’s my heart” –Sidewalk Prophets

Please be praying with the next few speaking events coming up- the people listening.

“My goal is that they may be encouraged in heart and united in love, so that they my have the full riches of complete understand, in order that they may know Christ.” Colossians 2:2

And for my words to be His. (The next speaking event will be the Relay for Life at Palm Harbor University on Friday, May 2! Come hang out if you have an open night)

“May the God of hope fill me with all joy & peace as I trust in Him so that I may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.” Romans 15:13

Just a quick cancer throwback- Thank you to EVERYONE who prayed for, over and with me during cancer. I truly, really know that it is because of those prayers that I am healed. And it’s because of those prayers that cancer, chemo and radiation was way easier than it should’ve been. I’ve gone through my cancer folder in my iPhoto and reading through all of the screenshot texts and Facebook messages just made me thank the Lord like crazy for every single person that encouraged me through. I wish there was a deeper word for thank you, but for now that’s all I got! Just know you are SO appreciated! I was reminded of the power of prayer and encouragement when I went to visit a friend in the hospital a couple weeks ago. He had been in a coma from a motorcycle accident, but because of all the prayer pouring into this guy and his family, the doctors have been ecstatic about his recovery. As of today, we’re almost 3 weeks out from the date of his accident, and Josh Mueller is makin’ his way back to his family & friends. Praise God!

More later, 

just couldn't give out all my secrets at once :)

MM