Look Before You Fall

So, between no internet and a trip to Panama City...it's been a while since I've been able to write. This could potentially get long :)

This past week I got to have the best week of beach, shopping & family. This week I got to be with my little brother, most precious thing ever!!! Anywho, I went on this trip hoping that I could leave on a better track with God. I knew that I wasn't serving to my fullest potential and that I was to be used more than I was allowing Him to.  So, my dad, Jax & I started on our 5 hour drive. How awesome of a drive. My dad and I grew, a lot. I always felt that we weren't too close but this time around, things have changed. :) So we get to the beach, it pours the first 2 days and we sun the next 2. Everybody else arrives...fast forward to Sunday. By today, I haven't journaled once, I haven't read once and I have yet to really motivate myself to stay in this lifestyle. I constantly feel bad for not being in the Word and for not being on fire, it was all just getting so old. Being in Panama, you see all those who live for themselves...all the parties, all the crazy spring breakers, living the life. "YOLO" or whatever that stupid saying is. How tempting, yet unfulfilling. So Sunday, we ended up with 20 minutes to spare in the morning. I felt a very strong pull to just sit outside with my journal. Unwillingly, I grabbed my pen, and wrote.


I told God I was sorry for avoiding Him and for not finding the importance of the lifestyle He wants for me. I admitted to Him that I know I'd feel lost in the world if I started down that path. I want to want Him, I want to want to admire every piece of creation as His artwork. 20 minutes pass and we head off to church.

The committed christian life is a real celebration of Easter, the pastor went on to preach. "You're here to bring His genuine joy into a lost world. Let the genuine joy He brings deepen your committment"  He taught from John 20, 1 Corinthians 15 and Acts 10. "Though there is no limit to His grace, why would I want to live any different" he concluded.

By that point, I'm on fire. I'm ready to go study these passages and look deeper into them. He was talking directly to my spirit, my searching and broken spirit. Look before you fall. I write out my thoughts the best and my thoughts and my selfish drive wanted to pursue the world. But, the pastor truly opened my eyes through the Word of God to remind me that I'm here to bring the Lord's genuine joy into the world. I can't join the broken world, I had the chance to look before I fell.  Praise the Lord.

So, I sat on the picnic table with Mama Sue and studied the lesson even more. I truly thought God was done teaching me for the day until we entered into the next conversation. In 1 Corinthians 15, Paul  says, "By the grace of God, I am what I am". We started talking about God's grace and Mama Sue said this: ..even if I didn't have the Lord's grace, I would still want to live in His light. I wouldn't trade it for any other lifestyle, it's loving and fulfilling...  That stuck out to me and once again, God had fed my Spirit through conversation.  You see, Mama Sue and I have always been very close. She's the grandma version of me:) We have been filled with the Holy Spirit and just connect in a way that I can't explain. I look up to her. She also helped me to look before falling.

God just filled this day with surprises because next came the Truth from Aunt Trish's lips..again, another MAJOR role model in my life. We made a joke about our height and it somehow led into a relationship conversation. Let me say this...Aunt Trish and Uncle Hank are ADORABLE together. They flirt and play and joke just like they had 10 years ago. They're still so in love and I'm patiently waiting until this type of relationship comes around. SO! Jesus and Trish...she says something like this, "Madison, you know when you know. And I used to wonder that meant all the time. But then I met Hank and I just KNEW. It's this overwhelming feeling that you can't drop. You just love him. It's a feeling that you can't miss and you can't overlook. You'll just know. You two will be a team. But most of all, the man will uplift you and encourage you" I always wanted to know what "you'll know when you know" meant, but she put it into quite the words for me. With Trent, I knew that the timing wasn't right..whether it will be in   a few years or never, I don't know. But I learned a lot. Trish went on to teach me that a relationship isn't controlling. That a loving and genuine relationship has no abuse. This I knew. This I will see if I ever start to fall. God's man for me is whole and complete in Himself and in Christ. The Godly man lets God control. A Godly relationship encourages and loves, trusts and pursues, runs to be the first for forgiveness and is the first to forgive. A Godly relationship is POWERFUL.

To be honest, I had given up hope that I'd get any sign from Christ on this trip. By Sunday, I was drained and cared the very least that I could. He picked me up. He motivated and strengthened me.  HE PURSUED ME... He opened my eyes before I fell. Praise be to Him. Let His light shine so bright in your face, you can't see anything else but Him.



In Christ,
me