I think I've been battling myself. Because of past heartache, back stabs, fake Christians and doubts, my life as a daughter of the King had been revoked...by me.I felt so beat down and so worn out, I felt that I didn't have anymore to give. This is when the world became tempting to me. I lost sight of my Bible reading, journaling... And to be honest, the only thing that kept me in for Christ, even the least bit, were my middle school girls.
“God can't give us peace and happiness apart from Himself because there is no such thing.” C.S. Lewis
Deep down, I knew that Christ would become the center again. Because I mean, once you genuinely and truly have the Spirit inside of you, you can't completey let go. The Word says that those who really loved Christ, couldn't choose the world over Him forever. With that, I knew I had to remain an example and a leader for my girls in this dry spell and they kept me from hitting rock bottom 100 mph. I thank God so much for my girls, and for putting them in my path/plan.
Last week, the middle school boys & girls grouped together. However, in planning out a lesson, I didn't know that so I called Stephen asking if I could have a TV in my room to show part of a Louis Giglio sermon. It just so happens, that Stephen had an extra hour that he didn't know what to do with. So God allowed the Spirit to speak through me to these kids and let me tell you how amazing and rejuvenating it was to know that the Lord still had my back.
The story was of the widow who just lost her son. As people were carrying this boy on a casket to his grave, Jesus Christ came up to the widow and said, "don't worry" I imagine him saying this with a huge smile on His face as He walks up to the boy and lays a hand on him, "Get up" Jesus says, and the boy rose. The lesson was aimed to our own grave. What's our stretcher? What's carrying you away from God and to your grave? Louis Giglio asks.
My stretcher has been doubt. I've been so focused on excuses and "logic" that the world has come up with to take the place of God's existence. I was looking into coincidences and reasonable thinking...worldly standard. I've been talking more to people without the Spirit of the Lord than people with it. I wanted to live my life for me to accomplish what I wanted.
“There is but one good; that is God. Everything else is good when it looks to Him and bad when it turns from Him.” C.S. Lewis
Low & behold, the Spirit doesn't work like that. I can't tell you how unsure I've felt of myself while being in this rut. God or the world? The world or God? We are only complete and sure of who we are when we are walking in the ways of Jesus Christ. the ONLY way I can be me. As for all those who don't believe, my hope is that they try. Just read the Bible everyday for a week, give Him a chance and fully believe in your heart because that is when God can touch your life. And THIS is when you'll feel fully you and fully found.
So, back to last Wednesday night. The girls and I split away from the group and had this wonderful time to just hang out and be together! A certain sir came to me after the mini sermon and gave me more verses to add to what the Spirit spoke.
Isaiah 59:1-4
" Surely the arm of the Lord is not too short to save,
nor his ear too dull to hear.
2 But your sins have separated
you from your God;
your sins have hidden his face from you,
so that he will not hear.
3 For your hands are stained with blood,
your fingers with guilt.
Your lips have spoken falsely,
and your tongue mutters wicked things.
4 No one calls for justice;
no one pleads a case with integrity.
They rely on empty arguments, they utter lies;
they conceive trouble and give birth to evil"
SIN is what takes us away from Christ and what fulfills our doubts. This is why it's so easy to not see God anymore, because I let myself and my ambition get in the way of Christ & His ambition for me. I feel that I can put a check mark next to everything listed in these verses. My fingers with guilt, my lips spoken falsely & my tongue muttering wicked things. Where is Christ in this!?
Recently, I've been let down. It seems that the closest to you are the ones that can stab you the most. From people I've looked up to all the way through the list of people I've poured into.
"Don't let your happiness depend on something you may lose." C.S. Lewis
However, God's taught me to rise above. Rise above the crappy situation. Rise above the fake people. Rise above a mediocre lifestyle with Christ.
Just picture a path. This path is your life. Let yourself just grow so big and tall that you can see from beginning to end of this path. See that this person/situation is only a minor step in the pathway. My yellow brick road (that's how I picture my path) has miles and miles to go and if I let one wrong step bring me down this early in the hike, how am I supposed to be fully used by Jesus Christ!? This life is so temporary. I have no time to dwell on not-so-genuine people and sticky situations. As a Christ follower, I'm here to love and forgive, help and understand, serve and grow...all while living less than I could, just as Jesus did.
My eyes are on the path of Jesus Christ and just thinking about it gives my heart this fulfilled feeling. My music will change back to worship, my thoughts will transform to pure, my actions will be like Christ, my words will be an overflow of my heart which will be filled again.
Praise the Lord for loving me when I don't care to love back. How selfish.
We are a chosen generation to spread this love, darn it! So why waste the time dwelling on me? Why waste time when I could be pouring out? poured into? reading Scripture? watching sermons? praising and worship in my room? How often do I do these things? God, test and transform this heart of yours.
Isaiah 40:28-31
"Do you not know? Have you not heard?
He gives strength to the weary
The Lord is the everlasting God,
the Creator of the ends of the earth.
the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He will not grow tired or weary,
and his understanding no one can fathom.
and his understanding no one can fathom.
and increases the power of the weak.
Even youths grow tired and weary,
and young men stumble and fall;
but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles,
they will run and not grow weary,they will walk and not be faint."
Love,
Me :)
No comments:
Post a Comment