revelation of WHY

The time that I've put into Spark the Way over the last few months has been seriously focused on the “what”. What are we doing? God, what’s the next step? What do I share about STW with people? Just...what? I’ve complicated things and created a real blurry vision, because over the last few months, I’ve dropped the most important question- “why?”

Why was Spark the Way even created?

I absolutely know that God has called me to this- He’s made it evident. But I made things foggy… and so I knew this day was a long time coming, but I went back into my videos and my posts from my cancer season to remember. And this is the revelation of “why”…

Through my stroll down memory lane, it came pretty obvious: people. Did you know that I started an album called “cancer” in my phone? It’s a massive album of screenshots of texts, facebook messages and letters filled with Bible verses, encouragement and good laughs. People gave me ammo and people equipped me almost every single day with words and reminders that I was winning, because whether I lived through it or didn’t, my God was bigger than my cancer.        There are pictures of people visiting, some who drove or flew hours just to sit with me. There are pictures of people with pink hair and really short haircuts. There are pictures of a decorated apartment- every wall index carded with words of life. There are screenshots of social media posts of my face with some of the most encouraging words I’ve ever read underneath them. There are pictures of people just sitting in Moffitt with me, doing nothing, entertained by nothing, just sitting. There are screenshots of emails setting up times where people would get together and pray for me. There are pictures of packages that people sent filled with crafty things that made me smile, crafty things that took them a lot of time. There are memories of people letting me cry on them, freak out on them, then smile at them and say “I love you” because my steroid and menopause game was strong. There are memories of hospital sleepovers. There are memories of people surprising me and stopping by at thee most perfect times. Even after Feb. 5 marked my remission, there are memories of people sitting on my yellow couch helping me pick up pieces of my life that I blamed cancer for taking from me. There are pictures with people who guided my whole remission trip through California. People.           If only you could see the tears running down my cheeks. Whether they were apart of my life during cancer or after remission, God used people. People who loved me, who encouraged me, who empowered me, who prayed with me, who served me- selflessly and humbly.  It’s people who created a community around me and it’s people who equipped me with and reminded me of the words of God- “God gave life to everything that was created, and his life brought light to everyone. The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness can never extinguish it.” John 1:4-5. Cancer can never extinguish it.

So…why does Spark the Way exist? Because I believe the things that people did for me was a vision of what I’m called to do for others. Because of the people who surrounded me and formed a community for my sake. A community that loved, encouraged, empowered, prayed and served me selflessly and humbly. A community that I wouldn’t have stayed strong without. I can’t just say ‘thank you’ because that doesn’t even scrape the surface of my gratitude. But because of those people, I’ve seen the power of community and its impact on a young adult’s life affected by cancer as a caregiver, as a fighter and now, as a survivor. It’s an impact that’s life changing and it’s an impact I hope Spark the Way will make on the world. To have a community like the one I had in my cancer season will remove the fear of death and give victory to these guys, no matter the ending result of their cancer season.

Simplify, Madison. THE WHY: The power of a community like this is enough to extinguish the darkness that walks hand in hand with cancer.

By the coolness of God and through the example of Jesus Christ, 
people are my why.

Spark the what...

February 5, 2015 was one for the scrapbook...Along with celebrating a whole year in remission from lymphoma, the Lord used my life to officially start an organization for young adults affected by cancer. Spark the Way has been one giant leap of faith after another- like starting on a road trip without having the directions. I didn't have the exact layout or plan of what Spark the Way was supposed to do. All I knew for sure was that I was called to go along for the ride, no matter the distance, the bumps in the road or the destination, I was called to use my cancer season as a platform to bring the Light of the world to some of the darkest battles in the world. 

In this 3 month trip, I've learned that God definitely doesn't need any talent or qualification of mine, He just needs my "yes!". The quote "God doesn't call the qualified, He qualifies the called" came to life (thanks drew). I'm 22 with a general AA degree. I'm not qualified to lead Board meetings. I'm not qualified to pitch business plans to crazy rich and brilliant CEO's. I'm not qualified to...the list goes on. But I've read stories of fishermen changing the world because they said yes to Jesus, so I thought I could too...

"As Jesus was walking beside the Sea of Galilee, he saw two brothers, Simon called Peter and his brother Andrew. They were casting a net into the lake, for they were fisherman. "Come, follow me," Jesus said, "and I will send yo out to fish for people." At once, they left their nets and followed him." Matt 4:18-20

So the road trip begins and so do my questions, but more than my questions, my prayers. Prayer is under credited (is that a word? it's a word). At least it was in my life. I've seen how powerful it is, but at some point, I lost sight and started to credit my thoughts the power that prayer deserved. Then I end up bummed because thoughts can only get me so far. Thinking about something and praying about something are two completely different ballgames and only one takes you on that ultimate victory lap. It hasn't been my thoughts that have caused these outrageous meetings to happen, these "high society" people to cross my path or these doors to open in places that really had no business of opening for an under qualified 22 year old. But it's been waking up every single morning and praying,

"To a God who can do immeasurably more than I could ask or imagine,
I come to you with positive expectations knowing that you have no limits.
I ask your Spirit to control my mind. I promise to not be discouraged by prayers that've gone unanswered. I'll remember that time is a trainer, teaching me to trust you in the dark. I promise to view difficulties as setting the scene for Your glorious intervention, God. And I will keep my eyes and mind wide open to all that You're doing in my life. Amen!"

I've learned more about his limitless character these past few months than ever before. It's been fun, but it's also been hard. It's forced me to let go of control and caused me to go way out of my comfort zone...which is the only way I can present to you: Sparko de Mayo!

I won't bore you with too many details, but Spark the Way became apart of Give Day Tampa Bay- a day to bring awareness to your Tampa Bay nonprofit and raise money. When we started off, we were under the impression we had a space in Channelside to set up a table and tent to promote. Then, a Give Day meeting told us otherwise- we could hang out at Channelside and pass out promo materials but we didn't have a space. Then we met a man who said don't worry about that rule, keep your table and tent plan. Then we got a phone call the next day that said that man was wrong. Needless to say, the stress was rising and the plan kept changing.

I thank the Lord every minute I think of the AMAZING team that took on Sparko de Mayo. No matter what the plan was, they were in. They shifted with the changes and were ready for whatever this 9 hour party was going to bring on...

Gabby, Alaina & I got there with the car loaded and prepared for a corn hole-table-tent setup and for a simple promo pass out frenzy, either way we were going to Spark Channelside... About an hour of being there and getting frustrated at God for not not making it easy to get a spot outside, we settled. We set out to pass out promo material. That lasted about 2 minutes before 102.5 The Bone tent offered to share their space with us...

Spark the Way was the only nonprofit that was setup in Channelside and I'm telling you...Zach, Gabby & Alaina KILLED it. These guys were taking on corn hole challengers all night, pouring out the Spark the Way mission to anyone that seemed the slightest bit interested and really, these guys just kept the party going and people coming. This night would've been nothing without them. We met young adults who have battled cancer or who are taking care of someone with cancer. It showed us the need for this organization in this city and I am SO excited to see it being carried out!

We made it onto Fox 13. We were promoted on Hot 101.5 and made lasting connections with these awesome, awesome guys from 102.5 The Bone. All because we were the only nonprofit setup in Channelside. We were also the only nonprofit that had someone covering the night in prayer every single hour (I think). PRAYER IS POWERFUL.

3:00 Matt Ashwood

4:00 Heather Gilstrap

5:00 Kelli Wright

6:00 Alexis Freedman

7:00 Taylor Herbolsheimer

8:00 Tara Kushnir

9:00 Katie Gisonni

10:00 Heather Morris

11:00 Mr. Ralph 

12:00 Sparkler Cleanup Crew

THIS LIST IS WHY WE STOOD OUT. This prayer is why we were different from the rest. Besides Jesus, the people praying every hour on the hour receive the credit for God's blessings over Sparko de Mayo. In my opinion. Am I expecting everyone to see this the same way I do? Nope. But I sure hope it causes people to think about the why... why we get these doors opened, why we meet the people we do, why we receive offers we have no business of receiving.

All of this to say, Sparko de Mayo was a crazy success!! People drove all the up to Tampa to support, donate and encourage! (HUGE thank you to you guys!!!) Strangers heard the name and mission of Spark the Way and money was raised (some of that thanks to Zach's quick thinking)- the girls went to pick up food and we came back to Zach charging people for leftover sombreros that were donated to us. Needless to say, we were laughing pretty hard...


Anyways! here's to YOU for making it all the way through this post- thank you for loving, caring and reading Spark the Way! This is just the beginning, Sparks! :)

And an extra big thank you to all who were apart of Sparko de Mayo!
To Harborside Church for corn hole,
to the Freedmans for the white folding table,
to Mr. Courtney for our picture backdrop,
to Gabby Shatto for the gold mason jars,
to Alaina Courtney for the cupcakes,
to Zach, Gabby & Alaina for giving up their night
and to all who donated financially to make this night happen,

thank you for helping us Spark the Way!
 "When Jesus spoke again to the people, he said, “I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.” John 8:12

Cow Bells

Cattle Barron’s Ball, An American Cancer Society Fundraiser, 9/27

Theme: Denim & Diamonds

I was asked a lot of months ago to speak at this event that I’d never heard of. At that time, I was jumping on every speaking opportunity I could so of course I said yes! But I didn’t know what I had signed up for..

The week leading up to September 27 was one of the toughest weeks I’ve had in a long time. My mind was scattered with so many things that I forgot about the simple things. Like grabbing my phone off the roof of my car when pulling out of the Starbucks parking lot. To my dismay, the ‘find my iphone’ app led us to the middle of 19 where my 5c looked a lot like the inside of my brain. Scattered and all over the place. It took 5 days and 3 trips to Trinity to get a functioning phone, but in the mess I got to reconnect with 2 powerful women that I definitely needed to talk to and pray with before Cattle Barrons.

Spiritual warfare at its finest.

But where there was darkness, the Lord provided Light.

Always.

Saturday comes! My family and I drive up to Leesburg for our 3:00 check in. (American Cancer Society rented a cabin for us for the weekend!) Our backyard view was breathtaking...

5:00, VIP festivities. I got to meet some people on the ACS staff and event sponsors who were so awesome! The pamphlet with my face on the back page came out, that was neat. I read the 2 paragraph bio that I had written earlier in the week but decided I didn’t’ like it. It was something I prayed over so I thought I wrote what God had put on my heart, but did I hear wrong? He answered my question fast when a random man came up to me and said “hey, read your bio. This is the best bio. It encouraged me and I want you to know I’m a man of faith too so I’m excited to hear your story!” Well. Questionable bio problem solved. 

Somewhere in the VIP fiesta, I became old and my brother was referred to as my son. 

7:00 the Cattle Barron’s Ball begins! You guys, I’m freaking out. I’m so pumped and ready to go but at the same time not feeling good at all. Not out of nerves, out of ‘I cheated and ate gluten the day before’. (I have celiac’s) So I’m praying against the sick feelings and praying for confidence and boldness like Drew said. And man did it work…

They called my name and I walked up the stairs and felt more comfortable on that stage than I’ve felt on any stage. And this is my 11^th event. Corey & Abbey Conroy's boxing picture of me was blown up behind me while the prayers for the Lord to take over my words were answered. Jokes were made, people were cracking up. Pain was shared, people were crying. It was such an emotional 12 minutes for everyone.

I got a “heck yeah, she’s single” yelled from the back and lots of cow bells rang when I told them about my relationship ending. That made me laugh! And I accidentally called everyone in menopause old...oops :) 

That night, we got a standing ovation.

All glory to God, His Word was spoken and alive and the light of Christ was seen.  I asked Him to use me, to take over my words and He goes nothing short of crazy with that request. We make a pretty good team, but secretly, He’s the better, more powerful half.  So in reality, the standing ovation was His and I’ve never seen a cooler site.

I didn’t make it a full step off the stage before the hugs and tears start all over again. First with the family, then with the strangers. Strangers would come over, hold on to me and just cry. They had painful stories of their own to share or they wanted to hear more of mine. Either way, the conversation always included, "that was something powerful, you should continue on this path" (or along the lines of). 

I was told I was glowing, I was told that I had fulfilled my purpose of God putting me there that night. Philippians 4 was shared with someone battling alcoholism, it says “Though I have a lot or a little, I can do anything with Christ who strengthens me”. I was told that was the most powerful thing they had ever sat through. Stories and stories flowed from my new friends and it was like my heart couldn’t handle it all! All I could think was “praise God”. 

I was given business cards and contact info's so I've been going back and forth with a few new friends. You'll find one of my new favorite people below.... :) 

SO, all this to say...thank you for praying, supporting and encouraging. The prayer that covered this event made it so completely different than the rest. And it's most certainly not the last...

MM

California Dream ...wasn't a dream

Today marks a pretty killer day in the history of Deep See. First of all, we have officially reached over 10,000 page views!! Thank you all so, so much for reading and following and supporting and encouraging! I had no idea that God was taking this blog so far and I can't wait to see what's coming, I hope you stick along for the ride :)          Second of all, Deep See has made a little transformation! Past posts have had a lot of focus in life struggles. But be ready for future posts to also include living life fully alive, both eyes wide open - traveling stories, health tips, etc.  But don't let this transformation fool you. This blog and its readers will forever be prayed over. The posts will forever be fully influenced by the Spirit of Christ in me. So please, I ask you to remember
Philippians 2:13 "For God is working in you, giving you the desire and the power to do what pleases Him."  These writings, these posts, these words...all because of Jesus. And it's all because of Jesus that not only this blog has been transformed, but so have I.


I have to admit that after Luke & I split, I walked around convincing myself daily that I was healed and that I was fine. I would pray about it and talk to my mentors about it but my heart would still hurt and the tears were still falling. Somewhere in there, I also convinced myself that I did everything I could to give the pain and the weight to God, but it didn't work. So I turned to instant gratification and here comes some vulnerability...it was at this time that I found myself around more bars, clubs, alcohol and guys than ever before. All that stuff seemed to take the weight off and all that stuff taught me that I didn't need to care about being fully healed. It was ok to live with only one eye open as long as I had temporary fixes. Needless to say, my Jesus relationship had weakened and my admiration of the world became so much greater.

{side note- there's nothing wrong with alcohol unless used for healing or
crazy drunken purposes. Jesus turned water in wine, guys.  He kept the parties going and frowned upon lukewarm believers & their religious activity.
Read John 2.
"For the Kingdom of God is not a matter of what we eat or drink, but of living a life of goodness, peace, joy and fullness in the Holy Spirit." Romans 14:17}


COLORADO : HEALING

After happily (the deceived kind) walking around rock bottom for a while, I had the honor of being a bridesmaid in Courteney (now) Mile's wedding in Colorado.
MFF (Maddie Fun Fact): traveling is what wakes me up, it's my passion!

Needless to say, I was so pumped to be going somewhere new and seeing this girl I hadn't seen in years! I think there was also some secret joy in being pulled away from this life I had created for myself. Here's the first journal entry:

"We (me & Jesus) did it! We left at 8:50 headed towards Colorado. I'm running on 3 hours of sleep which led to the most uncomfortable ride in the middle seat...Anyways, not even 30 minutes 'til touch down. Jesus, we have an entire 12 days to do whatever we want. 12 days for you to guide, teach and re mold me. 12 days you don't have to fight for my attention. Here's my heart, Lord. Here's my life, Lord. Speak what is true.    -M"

I spent 4 beautiful days with Courteney & family in Colorado. It was here that I got to be apart of one of the most beautiful and real weddings I've ever seen. It was here that I had to face full healing. I journaled every night and one night, I couldn't sleep after a journal entry. It sounds crazy but I felt like God was keeping me up. He had something for me. So I grabbed my phone and put on some worship music, opened up the notes app and just wrote. Truly by the power of the Holy Spirit in me, He wrote to me.

"My daughter, have I not proven to you over and over again that you can trust me? That I bring full healing? I won't let pain linger. Remember, my love, when you have a hard time letting go of that relationship, that it wasn't love. For I am Love. And I was not recognized between the two of you. It was bondages of lust and comfort that kept you going. These are what brought your attachment, your feelings. Not me. But listen, daughter, I am handcrafting a man for you. One that I will bring to you in my timing. Undeniably, by my power alone. One that knows Me and loves Me, so in turn, will know how to love you the way I truly intended. Can you even imagine what a relationship brought together by Me and Me alone will look like? Daughter, until then, let me hold your heart. Let me take away this lingering pain. Let me show you, once again, my faithfulness and healing. I'm jealous for your love, your heart. Choose me to be the one who holds it."

That night, He rocked my world. and I haven't felt that deep pain since that night before I accepted His offer.

SAN DIEGO : BRAVERY & GRACE

I arrived in San Diego on Sunday where I'd be staying for 3 days with the precious Stacey and Nick Rawson. I really had no plan in California, I just knew I wanted to see San Diego & LA, so I did. (Thank you, Jesus, for that spontaneity molded in me!) Nick & Stacey let me stay with them because they're great, they even gave me a car to use. I mean these people are perfect.... The first night I was there, they took me to a beach bonfire for their high school ministry. I met lots and lots of new people and eventually made it to one girl who I particularly seemed to click with. By the end of our conversation, Catie had given me a 3 day itinerary of things/places to see in LA AND a place to stay. A safe place, mom;)

I spent all of my San Diego mornings at the Living Room, another recommended CA place! It was the greatest little vintage coffee shop with the best breakfasts & most quiet places to be still.

June 9 Journal entry:

"I'm sitting on a cliff overlooking miles of ocean listening to the seals of La Jolla talk to each other. It's cloudy and a little chilly, but nowhere and nothing could take the cake on where I just ate lunch. A little cave in this cliff. Just me & Jesus. This place is immaculate. I've never seen anything like it. I have a strengthened desire for my God being in the middle of His artistry and craftsmanship. My heart craves His. Finally."

I spent 3 1/2 incredible days in San Diego with Stacey & Nick and Allegra (new friend!!). It was here that I got to explore and experience completely new places. It was here that I learned bravery & grace. A sermon that just happened to be at the right place, at the right time (wonder who planned that one...)

<iframe src="//player.vimeo.com/video/97722063" width="500" height="281" frameborder="0" webkitallowfullscreen mozallowfullscreen allowfullscreen></iframe> <p><a href="http://vimeo.com/97722063">Invisible Week 2</a> from <a href="http://vimeo.com/thechapelvids">theChapel.cc</a> on <a href="https://vimeo.com">Vimeo</a>.</p>

Read John 2 again... The woman at the well's answer to Jesus wasn't "help me, heal me, restore me" it was avoiding the subject, "oh..so you did this thing the other day..."

-our pain can force us to look away from Jesus, causing Him to become invisible in our lives.
-we render Him invisible when He doesn't do things the way we want & when we want. And because we can't always wrap our mind around His way and reason it, we miss Him and go back to what's comfortable for us

That San Diego is beaut. The next day, I ventured out and hiked up Cowels Mountain but couldn't get down it fast enough to go lay out at Coronado Beach. Obviously, there's a favorite between the two. Both, however, came with drop dead gorgeous scenery that's forever stuck in my memory :)

LOS ANGELES : FULLY SATISFIED

Wednesday was travel day. I took my first train ride from San Diego to LA & it was beautiful! I made new friends at the station that were a total God send. They pointed me in the direction that I needed to go then happened to be on the same train! June 11 journal entry:

AM: "As for today, we've officially reached out half way point to LA. Arrival time should be around 5:40. I woke up today with no plan. Just cleaned up the apartment and went to the train station. I'll try to rent a car at LAX but we'll see. Who knows how that'll go. Jesus."

PM: "Goodnight June 11. You were full of firsts and multiple God stories: first train ride, first city bus ride (train station to LAX), not so first shuttle ride, first car rental on my own. Through all this crazy mess, I met people...Now I lay in a stranger's bed, in a stranger's guest house. Travel time today 2:40-8:00. Lord, you made it possible to be here. To be alive. Let's let loose on this city tomorrow! All glory to you. All power from you. My life lived for you. Let bravery and grace, peace and joy show off their stuff. Thank you for ridding me of my fear of silence. My life is Yours.  -M"

The next day, I went to Intelligensia Coffee shop where I met the love of my life. Red plaid shirt. He made my coffee and it was love at first site. But reality..., I had on my HE>I shirt that day, so I made that my prayer. That every move I make, I realize that He is undeniably greater than me. Except, I didn't act that way. I spoke it, but didn't act it. I tried to take my plans into my own hands that day. I went to the Universal Studio's lot tour doing everything I could to find the Pretty Little Liars cast. They filmed that day. And ALL of my little good, yet deceiving plans failed, I didn't find any of them, and I was mad. Funny thing was that my Bible app just happened to open itself (which it never does) to the verse of the day which was:
Titus 2:11-12 "For the grace of God has been revealed, bringing salvation to all people. And we are instructed to turn from godless living and sinful pleasures. Live with devotion to God.." Let God handle it.
But my shirt did get recognition from 3 other people on the lot wearing HE>i stuff. That was cool...
( http://www.hegreaterthani.com )


June 12, I wrote about a date I went on. The girl that I met in San Diego (Catie) drove up to LA to take me out! She took me to Cafe 101 next to the Hollywood Hotel (Marilyn Monroe's hotel) and then covered my eyes until we got to the top of the Griffith Observatory, which overlooks all of LA. The hills, downtown, everything. It was beautiful. It was a beautiful time with a beautiful new mentor.

June 13 journal entry:
"God, you've done enough. I'm sorry I moped around for not getting my way with the PLL cast. YOU set the bar by sending Jesus to love me, die for me & guide me. THAT should be what satisfies me...more than satisfies. As for this trip, your healing and restoration is way more than satisfying. You are my eternal Surpriser." <<Does the second sentence not just scream highly emotional/dumb :|

 That day, I had lunch with Ali Roland. I girl that I met at the Passion Conference in 2013 in Atlanta who just happened to be in LA at the same time. God works in absolutely surprising, crazy ways! It was about 5 minutes after my lunch date ended with Ali that Shaye Mitchell (Pretty Little Liars cast) posted an invite to a Q&A she was having downtown. God, what? So I went and I was 1 of 20 people sitting in a circle with her. I got a chance to thank her, hug her and give her a letter for the rest of her cast and crew thanking them for helping me through chemo. God had something SO much bigger than what I had planned. Instead of handing her a letter in passing on the studio tour, He took me right to her and gave me so much time with her. Our God is a surprising God!

So I went to the Ivy. I definitely recommend checking this restaurant out, too. SO worth the expensive meal... I was journaling when the table behind me invited me to sit with them so they could hear about my cancer & remission & my life. They felt like immediate family. I spoke with them for about 30 minutes before they invited me to their next event: The SoHo House.  A social club for Hollywood celebrities and producers. Yep, it was as big of a deal as it sounds. I spent my night with Michelle, producer of The Doctors, and Brannon Braga, writer/producer of Star Trek, Mission Impossible, Twenty Four and his latest & greatest, Salem. Insanely incredible people. They let me run around and explore the SoHo House on my own where I met a few different Hollywood producers and may or may not have been in  the presence of Bono & the rest of U2 for a little bit. I felt like I was dreaming, you guys.  But at the same time, I felt the godlessness of that place. I felt a lot of self-empowered people. A lot of unfulfilled people. And here is where my new mission lies... I hung out for a little while longer after Brannon & Michelle left. You see, there was this gorgeous group of guys that had walked in...and well....I had to stay.

The next day was my last day and God started it with a new friend, Meagan, from Robert Pattinson's favorite breakfast place. We talked about God and living life with both eyes open, sharing similar stories. What an ending to this trip...


There's so much more to all of this...so many more God stories. So much depth I skipped over. But it'll all come out over time. I hope you stick around to follow this mission that God has set me on: to bring Jesus to LA and counteract Hollywood's ways, the rock of our culture. It's big but God's bigger.

And my journal entries end with this on June 14:
"When I prayed for you to speak what is true in my heart and in my life on day one,
I had no idea what I had signed up for."

My remission trip was one of healing, restoration and new callings.
All because 12 short days were fully surrendered to him.
But imagine a lifetime of surrender...
Our God is an awesome God!

MM

Wuddup Q

Here we are, 1/3 of the way through 2014. How is this possible? I feel like time just keeps pickin’ up the pace. Everyday goes a little quicker, a little faster. Opportunities come, times change, people grow, life happens. But with all of this rapid movement, do I have a designated time to pull away from all of this and just be with God? Read His words, praise Him and thank Him for being God no matter what I’m facing… Through every good and every bad, God is still God and God is still good.

 The beginning of this year started out rough with Luke and I ending our relationship. And the first of Grandpa’s birthdays celebrated without him. Needless to say, we serve a God that loves us enough to care about even our tiniest hurt, so He’s been doing some crazy healing in my heart and in my family’s. On March 2, I went to The Chapel in Tarpon Springs where Pastor Q taught me this:

In James 1, the 12 tribes followed Jesus but were tortured and beaten for doing so. But because of this, the Gospel was spread throughout the land. James 1:2 “..when trouble comes your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy.” Joy comes from the delight we have in knowing who the Savior is, no matter the circumstance.

James 1:3 “..know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance.” Perseverance: the ability to remain under.

>>God uses trials to build the strength & ability in me to remain under who He is, therefore, being the Madison I am called to be<<

Testing always precedes advancement

“When He sees that I’m not attached to anything or anybody more than Him, He’ll give me more to oversee”

---

Ok, so embrace the hurt, don’t bury it. God will use it. And oh boy, has He ever.

It seems like since I sat through that sermon, things have really grown. Rapidly. Opportunities have come up that can’t be explained anything short of God’s doing. In April, alone, I’ve had the opportunity to tell big crowds of people about the hope and peace of knowing Jesus Christ throughout cancer. (Philippians 4:7 “You will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand.”) He’s taken B.A.L.D., from our last blog post, to a whole new extreme that I definitely did not see coming. And there’s now a magazine and a website with His name on it.    I will never be a Jesus-down-your-throat-shover, but I will follow His greatest command –to love. And with that, I want to love on people and show the light of Christ to those who are stuck in a dark place, whether it’s because of cancer or not. There’s a hope and a peace to get us through- that was found in the presence of my Savior. Jesus.

“When did love become un-consuming?

When did love become unmoving?

Forget what the world has told me.

My Love, my Father of Love, you can have me.

I will never look back, so Jesus,

Here’s my heart” –Sidewalk Prophets

Please be praying with the next few speaking events coming up- the people listening.

“My goal is that they may be encouraged in heart and united in love, so that they my have the full riches of complete understand, in order that they may know Christ.” Colossians 2:2

And for my words to be His. (The next speaking event will be the Relay for Life at Palm Harbor University on Friday, May 2! Come hang out if you have an open night)

“May the God of hope fill me with all joy & peace as I trust in Him so that I may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.” Romans 15:13

Just a quick cancer throwback- Thank you to EVERYONE who prayed for, over and with me during cancer. I truly, really know that it is because of those prayers that I am healed. And it’s because of those prayers that cancer, chemo and radiation was way easier than it should’ve been. I’ve gone through my cancer folder in my iPhoto and reading through all of the screenshot texts and Facebook messages just made me thank the Lord like crazy for every single person that encouraged me through. I wish there was a deeper word for thank you, but for now that’s all I got! Just know you are SO appreciated! I was reminded of the power of prayer and encouragement when I went to visit a friend in the hospital a couple weeks ago. He had been in a coma from a motorcycle accident, but because of all the prayer pouring into this guy and his family, the doctors have been ecstatic about his recovery. As of today, we’re almost 3 weeks out from the date of his accident, and Josh Mueller is makin’ his way back to his family & friends. Praise God!

More later, 

just couldn't give out all my secrets at once :)

MM

Going Back to Bald...

One of my last chemotherapies, I remember being extremely depressed at the whole situation. that I was stuck there. that I had turned boring. that I wasn't motivated to move. My phone had gone off a bazillion times and people wanted to come visit. No. I wouldn't have that, "I don't want people right now," I remember thinking.
Well low and behold, Annie Mayberry makes her way up to Moffitt anyways. Oh that Annie Mayberry :) God is God. She said she felt she was supposed to be there in that dreadful room with me... Turns out...we had the greatest time! We laughed, we cried, we swapped stories. I remember thanking God for being more stubborn than me and need to have His way over mine.  Well, right before Annie leaves she says, "hey listen to Oceans by Hillsong".

I did. I loved it. But never listened to it again...

Months and months go by. Hillsong comes in town! BFF Alaina and I got tickets, I was so excited to get Jesus music blasted in my ear drums. Mind you, I still hadn't and still can't go to church...the crowds and what not. My immune system is still trying to find its way home :/ But I chanced it and went to Hillsong.  It was hard for me. I had to keep sitting down like a grandma at a rock concert. EMBARRASSING.  I'm sure people are looking like

      "why does that teenage boy keep sitting down every other song..."

Well, then, lead singer man prays for the hopeless feeling and lost people of the world. I thought "oh nice prayer. Time to sit again" Then it comes on...

This song I hadn't heard since my Annie Mayberry night! You'd think I'd be happy to hear it again, but I wasn't. As soon as the first line finishes, I'm crying like a darn baby. This wave of depression, and loneliness had completely taken over. My heart hurt just like it did the night Annie Mayberry had me listen to Oceans the first time. Then the dude's prayer for the hopeless came back into my thoughts and I realized I had let myself feel hopeless in Moffitt. Then the feeling magnifies. And I started to hurt even more, not for myself, but for the people who don't know Jesus that are sitting in Moffitt. The people that are there way longer than I ever had to be. The people that have to call that place home until they're "released". Jail. They're stuck there until they're told they can go. Jail. (Sorry to all my facebook friends who were my nurses...you made it a fun jail).

So I start praying for these people. Cancer patients. Who don't know Jesus. Oh how they must fear death and pain.

Then it's like I hear God's whisper. "Bring these people to Me. Bring these people to Hope, bald." And I start crying even harder because I thought I was being told to stay bald and minister to people at Moffitt... which now that I think about it doesn't make too much sense, actually.

Weeks go by and I obviously pray a lot about this because ...i don't want to be bald. As I was finishing a letter to God on December 27, it hits like a load of brownies. I'm supposed to be bringing hope to these people, showing the Light in their darkness. (the Light being God). I really am supposed to do this bald..

Bring
A
Light
  to the
Darkness

So as 2014 kicks off, so does BALD. To be delivered tomorrow:

 

      

From Lucas

Adding more to the bag later from Allie

    This is a God thing. 100%. If you tell me good job or something, I'll delete it... BUT, if you want to join the BALD community, I'm going to prayerfully make this an every holiday thing!

Anywho, I hear the fireworks.

2013 was interesting,

sad,

hard,

full of growth,

crazy,

full of new things,

full of lost things,

most of all, was COMPLETELY saturated in Jesus Christ.

All glory be to God, forever and ever! AMEN 2013!!!!!!!